Stop making me a pregnant tree! That’s what the clay yelled at me yesterday. “Stop making me a pregnant tree!” I was taken aback. Because from the start she kept saying,” Tree Woman, Tree Woman”. So why she gets all in a huff, all of a sudden, I do not know. I was utterly confused, still am…OK, so that was a lie. She never actually did say that, but I had to start somewhere.
What actually happened was… I was possessed by the Tobacco Spirit. I have only been utterly possessed by the Tobacco Spirit twice, so I can only say that it was a lot like keeping company with the spirit of Peyote. Tobacco Spirit made me sing for two hours the first day: and the Star Flower crowned. The next day I was required to sing for one and a half hours and the Star Flower was born.
I do hope that one day I will be able to describe this magic in words. How it is that Spirit guides me through this process. How the Elephant Spirit will push open a door I had never even noticed and there before me in my own home, in my own heart, I find the Holy. Holy Holy is thy name; you sing it for two hours and see what happens. The star flower is a mandala which Tobacco Spirit sends to help us “tiny men” realize its vast magnificence.
Moving from the Elephant Spirit, which is constant change, huge metamorphosis, and the bringing of the Holy Rains…into the eight directional balance and groundedness of the Holy of Holies is quite a journey. Two pots of transformation… two days of shifting were required to get me there, to get me there. It is this magical journey that I long to put into words. How do I even begin: In a world where almost no one remembers the holiness of which I speak. White Buffalo Woman, please hear my prayers. How do I carry this Holy Child into the world?
Oh my God Hafiz, Attar was right! God has made love to me and the whole universe is germinating inside my belly! Piece by piece I give birth to The Big U. I give birth to Grandfather Coyote. I give birth to Tree Woman. I give birth to Rock Woman. I give birth to the Elephant Spirit; to the Badger Spirit, to the Dog Spirit, to the Snake, to the turtle, to Javalin… and now the most holy of holies…I birth the Star Flower. But where do I go from here? I mean who really cares in this world? You made me a tiny woman but my children are not of this world. How do I protect them and at the same time let them go?
I had a dream: Spirit said, “Slow down, you can’t see where you are going.” Well that’s for sure. I have no idea where this is all going but it cannot be stopped, nor denied. The universe is spilling out of my belly at an alarming rate. White Buffalo Calf Woman I need you now. I need you as my midwife. I need you as my Nanny. I need you as my sister. You got me into this along time ago. I know you remember! Now please, bring me home, show me the way.
The stars are falling.
Falling from my hands…
Falling to Earth as flowers…
Holy Holy is thy name.